VIP RIP
You can learn a lot about safe driving from dead celebrities
By Nate Lee

If you are asked to name a celebrity who died in a car accident, who comes to mind? Princess Diana? James Dean? Depending on one’s age, we all know a famous celebrity who died at the wheel (or in the back seat). But, do you know how they died? Herewith, a collection of VIP RIPs and the lessons we can learn from them.

PRINCESS DIANA, of course, died at the hands of another driver, a drunk chauffeur who, speeding to escape paparazzi, crashed into a pillar of a Paris tunnel. Lessons: DON’T SPEED. GET A SOBER CHAUFFEUR. IGNORE THE PAPARAZZI.

JAMES DEAN was killed on a California highway at the age of 24. Ironically, he was heading to Salinas to be in a car race. We can take a guess that the lesson from Jimbo is: DON’T SPEED.

SAM KINISON. Though you’d think it was Wildman Sam’s fault, actually a drunk teen crossed the center lane and hit his and new wife Malika’s car. He got out with what appeared to be minor injuries, but died before the ambulance arrived. Lesson: STAY OFF NEVADA HIGHWAYS.

JACKSON POLLOCK. A year after James Dean bought it, Pollock followed suit, but on Long Island while tavern-hopping. Lesson: DON’T DRIVE DRUNK.

ISADORA DUNCAN. Yes, it’s true. Her neck was broken when her scarf got caught in the rear wheel of her Bugatti, in 1927. Lesson: KEEP YOUR CLOTHES INSIDE THE CAR. DON’T USE YOUR SCARF AS A BRAKE (OR BREAK).

MARY JO KOPECHNE. Okay, she only became a celebrity post-mortem. She gave her life to save the country from a Ted Kennedy presidency, some say. Others say that, like Princess Diana, it’s too bad the guy with the keys was too drunk to see straight. Lesson: DON’T LET ANYONE DRIVE DRUNK, EVEN A U.S. SENATOR.

STEVE ALLEN. Earlier in the day of Steve-a-rino’s death, an SUV backed into his car in a minor fender bender. Apparently, though, it bruised his chest bad enough to rupture heart tissue. Lesson: TAKE DOWN THE INFORMATION OF THE OTHER DRIVER, EVEN IN A MINOR ACCIDENT.

HARRY CHAPIN. Hit from behind by a rig as he was trying to pull over onthe Long Island Expressway, Chapin had a heart attack either before or after trying to change lanes. Lesson: BE CAREFUL HOW YOU PULL OVER.

PRINCESS GRACE. Suffering a minor stroke, the other Princess drove off a winding Monaco road. The only lesson here, as with Diana, is that not even royalty is safe on the road.

Other deaths: JAYNE MANSFIELD was in a car that ran into the back of a mosquito-spraying truck; MARGARET MITCHELL, author of “Gone with the Wind,” was swept away by a speeding cab as she tried to cross an Atlanta street; GENERAL GEORGE S. PATTON, ERNIE KOVACS, ALBERT CAMUS, BESSIE SMITH, and TOM MIX were all killed in cars.

You probably wouldn’t make quite the headlines that these celebrities’ deaths made. If you learn their lessons, though, maybe you won’t make headlines at all.